Sex… A Taboo?

Gone are the days where sex is merely an act of procreation. In recent weeks, I’ve had some serious thought about sex, what it is, reasons we do it and the old taboos and perceptions that are carried along with it. I had come to a dilemma as I am recently single and didn’t like not having the sexual attention and affection that comes along with being in a relationship.  However, enjoying the single life, I found it difficult to meet those needs, with out being, well, promiscuous. After an in-depth conversation with a dear friend, I was given the advice “Lexi, sex these days is just as common as picking your nose.” This obviously led to deep thoughts, research and investigations.

Lets get technical for a little bit… Perceptions are created through a very complicated process, where by the 20million bits of information that is handed to us every second is deleted, distorted and generalized through internal filters. These filters, are (mostly) created through unconscious conditioning and programing from a very early age, and change slightly as we grow. This is how our reality is created and also how perception is created. Think of it like this, ask your Year 3 teacher how she feels about having sex with different men; or perhaps ask your grandmother how she feels about sex before marriage. Then go ahead and ask the counter staff at Supré the same questions. Guaranteed, you will receive totally different answers and reasoning’s. Which is why, sex, which was once a conversation not to be had at the dinner table, is now something that is spoken about freely at the office coffee machine, at the gym or at high-tea with the ladies.

Some profound guidance my grandmother once gave me was “anything in moderation is good for you” …so long as you bring balloons to your party to practice safe sex and (of course) stay classy!

With every journey down any road, we come across roadblocks, potholes and detours. So here are some tips to make your single life ‘ride’ smoother;


• Men love it when you take control in the bedroom, but you also need to take control of those emotions – saying that, we ladies are naturally an emotional bunch, that’s what makes us such wonderful creatures, just keep that tiger in its cage when needed.

• Learn the language of sex, if it feels good, tell him, but there’s no need to talk about what you did once in the bedroom with ‘some other guy’, they hate that, as far as they’re concerned, they’re your first.

• Ladies, don’t be upset if all they want to do is sleep after sex, it’s actually not there fault! Keep reading to find out why…


• It’s a common misconception that men are the only rulers in the bedroom, so when your lady (gets out of her comfort zone) and takes the reigns, give her encouragement.

• Saying that, there is nothing sexier then being taken by a man, seduced by a warrior and swept of our feet. In fact, as a man, it is all but your duty to be this sexy, manly knight that makes us ladies feel feminine, safe and sexy. The safer we feel, the more feminine and open we’ll be.

• Ever wondered why you always want to sleep post-sex? (Ladies listen up!) Among many other chemicals, Prolactin is released into almost everyone’s bloodstream immediately after an orgasm. This chemical disengages you from sexual thoughts and feelings, allowing you to think of other things (probably the only moment in a day when you men are not thinking about sex!). Endorphins are released also, post sex. Some give you the feelings of euphoria, pleasure, calmness and deep relaxation. It’s been said that the faster you fall asleep, the better the sex, so ladies, take their dozing as a compliment and men – you’ve just been handed a get out of jail free card – it’s just your endorphins at work!

Sex – we do it for many reasons and one in particular sticks out for me, because it feels good. Just because Grandma has trouble seeing eye-to-eye with us on that one, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t think it. Sex incorporates so much of our mind; in fact, most of sex is actually in our imagination. Our mind is a beautifully complicated ‘machine’ that is unlimited in its potential and power. My advice; get educated; learn about the mind, the body, and sex, don’t be ashamed that you enjoy sex and like doing it often – you’re not the only one.

Love Lexi xx

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  • Exactly! It is our mind! So we have these thousands of notions, ideas, of love and sex bombarded on our minds, how do we know what is ours or what we really want. You show a young mind a fancy idea of love or an appealing relationship, over time it becomes their idea of it. Even if we consider that we learn most things and form identities and definitions by absorbing ideas of what surrounds us, we still have an innate unique identity, which reflects our own definition of life (and matters related to life, like love and sex).

    So over time this uniqueness is sacrificed at the altar of commonness, shared beliefs, and we slump into that sort of living. Maybe cause we never take time to nurture and understand our inner self. May be it takes a lot of patience, dedication, perseverance and commitment to really reach a heightened state of intellectual and spiritual awareness to know and understand what we really want, which makes such people who are eternally content and independent of any instance or situation to make themselves feel good, quite rare.

    So depending on how we grow up and what we surround ourselves by, there are people who can go through life alone, and yet blissfully and even without so much so as being exposed to sex, or various ideas of sex. Unless their minds are impressed with the continuous exposure of sex, love, romance and other human aspects which have formed or taken a different shape only recently due to the advent of technology and media, giving birth to this huge mixture of various thoughts and ideas, which are interconnected and influenced by each other on so many levels, that it is really difficult to know what you really are and what defines you anymore, especially when it comes to shared views of life (which again are not really shared, but at times merely followed because they are tried and tested and safer than treading the uncharted path).

    But that’s again a limiting definition of us as beings, because we can perfectly reach a heightened state of intellect, emotional understanding, and contentment, even without incorporating these commonly practiced notions of life be it love, sex, social life. Many academics and geniuses and sages have led such life of immense fulfillment. I know it is easier said than done, and once we have shared a significant part of our lives surrounded by these newer definitions and labels, it makes it even more difficult to accept such a contrasting reality.

    So I think it is only us, as a major part of human race conditioned with pre-existing lifestyles that have rather persistently trivialized, objectified and devolved this grand act of procreation into a hobby or a pastime like an escape or a release or some sort of catharsis for the oft ailing soul.

    Now this is what I have come to understand of it, by straying away from the conventional lifestyle and detaching myself from these labels.

    What it has been since the beginning of time is the culmination of love, redemption of sacrifices made in the name of love or the transmutation of care for others into a new form a love, it has been the peak and the climax(pun unintended :P) of years of understanding, connection, emotional exchange, and feelings expressed through words, actions, be it kisses, hugs, simple yet kind gestures or just being there when our other needed us – a sort of physical manifestation of these immeasurable, unquantifiable thoughts, emotions and feelings we go through during our time with our lovers.

    So based on this observation, I would say that, sex cannot enhance love in any way, as much as it is a mental act it depends physicality for its culmination. And love can be independent of it as it is a force that enhances itself. And as emotional beings we touch on a deeper level when it is a disconnected sense communicated through purely feelings.

    This is just a perspective, but I really don’t think we depend on or need sex for a truly fulfilling and loving life. (though that does not invalidate my moments of promiscuity or yearning for pleasure as I too have been through our standardized conditioning and programing from a very early age and am still not totally out of it.)